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County Rover


The last general elections might pass as the most dramatic in the history of this country.


I was  in the thick of things as a scribe and  had enough comic relief from the way our people were behaving. Suffice to say that while fortunes have changed for some, others are still having nightmares and nursing painful hangovers of the historic polls, almost  three years down the road.


In retrospect, I  must concede that I  had several encounters with “political analysts and pundits”, some of them mean-looking “journalists” who had become some kind of local Synovate and Infotrack combined.


They had predicted who and who would win the elections, despite the fact some of the candidates  had such poor moral standing to an extent that  even their  next of kin were shouting loudly on the roof tops that they should never be given even a single vote.


After their bungled opinion polls, these “analysts” would go home with their bellies bulging and toothpicks hanging precariously at the corners of their mouths after enjoying sumptuous “freebies” from politicians.


However, after  reality finally  dawned, most of these “political analysts” are still wishing that the ground would break and swallow them. This is because they can no longer  face the politicians they were waxing optimistic about as most of them were beaten so badly that I think yours truly could have done better as a political novice.


These “political pundits” in Mavumbi County are still living in  fear of meeting their “political pros” who might demand  an explanation as to  why  “analysts” worth their salt could have done such shoddy opinion polls that could shame even a nursery school kid.


The saving grace is that even these political losers have also gone underground, probably to resurface in the next polls.


                               sullen cousin


My cousin Timotheo  is not smiling any more.

Gone are the days when he used to imbibe bottles upon bottles of Balozi larger and waxing lyrical about the political prowess of the man he was supporting to become senator, despite the fact that the chap  was once known to be a tomato thief.


High on Balozi larger and very low on reasoning, Timotheo would twist his mouth into some sort of smile then produce a line up, of all those who would win each post.

You would think the fellow was soothsayer!


Forget the fact  that all those he was talking so well about were those financing his debauchery.

There are rumours that one of them had promised him that he would assist Timotheo start a business of selling day old chicks, but that is neither here nor there as the good chap lost badly.


Now poor Timotheo has nothing left for him save a glossy calendar bearing the photo of the supposed mheshimiwa, now muishiwa, hanging loosely in his living room.


Timotheo is ruing the day he was born as most of the politicians he was fronting have changed their phone numbers after they lost in the polls. They  no longer  take his “please- call -me -back” messages as they used to do during the polls.


The Balozi larger and such like goodies are also not there any more and poor Timotheo has gone back to the basics: drinking cheap keg sold in mugs locally known as vuta pumzi.


I am not a sadist but I can  say without any fear of retribution that some chaps  might develop severe cases of stomach ulcers and mental ailments  if they continue nursing the hangovers of the last polls.


Politics is a different kettle of fish and some political greenhorns should have realized this before jumping into the murky waters.







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