Overblog Follow this blog
Edit post Administration Create my blog

Avoid "social moles" like the plague, they can ruin your relationship

 

 

One life lesson that my late mother imparted on me and which has always been my guiding light is to keep away from gossipers and social moles. By the latter I mean people who are always digging up issues about other peoples’ lives, including their spouses or lovers, office colleagues or roommates in college.

 

“If you choose to be a mole, digging up things about other people, one day you are bound to come up with something pretty nasty which could break your relationship with your friends,” my mother had said to me.

 

Being the obedient boy that I was, I have always steered clear from windbags and stuffed shirts; friends who talk endlessly till they foam at the corners of their mouths, just about something they have discovered about others.

 

                                                              hypocrites

 

The social moles carry around a holier- than- thou airs, as though they are themselves angels. They fail to realise that most people including themselves have skeletons in their closets.

 

The social mole might end up with a very  turbulent relationship or marriage because despite the saying “let bygones be bygones” the social mole will taunt you about things which you are alleged to have done ten years before you met and which they dug up from your former friends or college-mates.

 

Suffice to say that the social mole requires a partner with very fine nature to coexist.

Snooping on a lover might be healthy but some things are not worth digging up.

 

A couple of years back I had a lady friend who shocked me with her “mole-station”

I had arrived from a working trip and after exchanging pleasantries I hit the sheets.

 

After a while my phone woke me up only to realise it was the service provider reminding me that I had insufficient credit. Apparently my side kick had dialed virtually all the phonebook entries with female names. Finishing off all my airtime!

 

She had dialed my sister, a reporter with Kenya news Agency, my bureau chief,  my niece, two cousins in Mombasa  and a host of other women. Thank God my bureau chief’s number was an official office landline and it was late in the night!

 

Quite frankly I had to find out what “Miss Mole” was digging through.

 

The reply was laconic: “I was just being curious to know who these people are”.

The rest is history.

 

There are also Mr Moles who  do the same.

Recently a neighbour of mine almost rocked his relationship to smithereens after he went out to dig out things about his wife from his wife’s friend.

 

It’s alleged that his wife’s friend told him that his wife had told her that she was not interested in having a baby with him and was secretly using family planning pills, that the man was not providing enough for the family and that she had shopped around for a mpango wa kando who was providing her with better love and money.

 

The irate chap made a beeline for his house and an argument broke out. After a heated confrontation  the exchange went physical.

 

These are just two illustrations but there are hundreds of them.

 

                                                     water under the bridge

 

Well it might be human to suspect your lover or spouse of cheating when there are tell -tale signs, but it’s worthless to go overboard and waste time on water under bridge.

 

For instance, if your hubby was a drunkard and weed smoker in the university or college and now is a teetotaler, does that past bother you or his present?.

 

Or if by some chance you learnt that your wife aborted several times while in college and she is now past that, is it really worth the pain banking on that?.

 

This and that, but one thing: Being a social mole, kuchimbana , can have devastating psychological( and even physical) consequences both for the digger and the other party.

 

 

 

“If you choose to be a mole, digging up things about other people, one day you are bound to come up with something pretty nasty which could break your relationship with your friends,” my mother had said to me.

 

 

Share this post

Repost 0
To be informed of the latest articles, subscribe: